Archive for Peter Lohmeyer

KILLER CONDOM (1996) – The Dungeon Review!

Posted in Germany, horror, movies with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on February 12, 2013 by goregirl

killer condom posterGood old Troma and their soup of cheap, sleazy and tasteless titles. I have watched many Troma flicks for this 90s feature and a few were featured on my worst of 1990 – 1995 lists. Most of my favourite Troma titles are their 80s fare but I have in fact discovered a few I have enjoyed through the 90s and Killer Condom is one such example. Killer Condom is based on the comic book of the same name by Ralf König. Apparently H. R. Giger was a creative consultant on the project. I have no fecking idea where Giger’s influences come in but I am sure Killer Condom’s awesome film poster would not lie to me!

A college professor takes a student to a sleazy hotel and propositions her to bump her grade up to a pass if she will have sex with him. He slips on a condom as she watches horrified and crying. Suddenly the professor is screaming bloody murder. This is the opening scene of Killer Condom. Apparently three other men lost their penises that evening at the sleazy motel. The police have three prostitutes and the student (evidently the student is from Farmville Oklahoma) in custody. They put Luigi Mackaroni on the case. Needless to say the police force finds the women’s stories of killer condoms too crazy to take seriously. Luigi heads to the hotel to do a little investigating. Luigi Mackaroni is a man who knows the streets of New York; a well-seasoned, chain smoking openly gay detective who is well known at this particular hotel. While he is investigating the crime scene he invites up a handsome young gigolo. As they are about to engage in sex using one of the gigolo’s own condoms the hotel condom screams in protest and leaps off of the bedside table. Next thing you know Luigi is one nut short! Fortunately it is only a nut that Luigi loses to the toothy prophylactic! Phew! Having seen it with his own eyes Luigi sets out to rid the city of the rubber menace. Even Luigi’s own personal account is laughed at by his peers; that is until Luigi actually manages to shoot one down. According to the station’s coroner the killer condoms are not condoms at all but man-created organisms with brain matter and collapsible teeth that they can retract when they are pretending to be unassuming condoms. So much for safe sex! The hilarious scene where the coroner explains all of this was far too elaborate to relay in detail but it was funny as hell! Who created the killer condoms and for what purpose?! It is up to Detective Mackaroni to find out before half of New York’s male population loses their shlongs!

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While Killer Condom definitely has a sleazy vibe and a bloody outrageous premise neither the violence nor nudity is graphic. It is more campy than exploitative really. We see a few detached penises but we never see any graphic penis removals. The full frontal nudity never goes full frontal either. I don’t think I recall a single naked breast. But than again this one really isn’t about the ladies. What a refreshing change to have a menace that does not target women. The one and only woman attacked is a Croatian tourist who is bit on the nose.

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Udo Samel who plays Luigi Mackaroni is great! I really love that guy! He is the German Bob Hoskins and a confident, funny and likable character that among his other assets can take a chug of his scotch with a smoke in his mouth and apparently has a massive cock. Okay, it probably isn’t the most politically correct film as they do call the guy Luigi Mackaroni and they play a little pseudo-Godfather theme song every time he reminisces about his home in Italy or his mother. Luigi is simply a gay man who wants to be respected and understood. Luigi Mackaroni is my hero! Leonard Lansink who plays Bob “please call me Babette” Miller is a cross-dressing ex-lover of Luigi’s and is also a great character that me made me laugh often. Marc Richter doesn’t speak a whole lot but he is enjoyable enough as Luigi’s hot young gigolo lover Billy.

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Killer Condom is German and is spoken completely in the German language. In fact one of my main bones to pick with this one is the white subtitles are very difficult to see on many of the backgrounds. I hate when I have to strain to see subtitles dammit! Yeah, so it is a German film spoken in German that is set in New York?! There are twists and turns and a helluva crazy ending that I loved. I was a little disappointed the finale was so brief though; it seemed to me that they could have cut back a bit from the mid-section and made this section a little lengthier.

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Killer Condom is a decent enough looking film that uses some really bleak and unappealing New York backgrounds that suit it perfectly. The only real effects are the condoms and a few severed penises other than what they throw in the finale. The finale features a super Luigi sized killer condom, a mad scientist and a self-righteous pious villain. I really love the condoms though! They are a bunch of adorable little rubbers that make giggly cartoony noises…at least until their teeth come out and they bite your penis off! If that isn’t enough it has a love story and a heart warming happy ending! Ha! Call me nuts but this film kept my attention and made me laugh often. I had to chuckle at one review I read that said the film took itself too seriously. Sure, the film has a deadpan delivery but that is all part of the Shtick! Clearly a film called Killer Condom is not taking itself seriously nor is it going to appeal to everyone. Personally I enjoyed the heck out of Killer Condom! Recommended!

Dungeon Rating: 3.5/5

Directed By: Martin Walz

Starring: Udo Samel, Peter Lohmeyer, Marc Richter, Leonard Lansink, Iris Berben, Henning Schlüter, Ron Williams, Ralf Wolter, Adriana Altaras, Evelyn Künneke, Gerd Wameling, Meret Becker