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HOLLYWOOD CHAINSAW HOOKERS (1988) – The Dungeon Review!

Posted in horror, movies, USA with tags , , , , on January 18, 2010 by goregirl

“They charge an arm and a leg!”

Wow! What an insanely low IMDB rating this film has! What the hell do you want from a flick called ‘Hollywood Chainsaw Hookers’?! It delivers what its title promises, chainsaws and hookers! Granted, there could have been more gore, lot’s more gore, but clearly the film is meant to be comedy first. It is jam-packed with one-liners and site gags and the finale featuring the virgin dance of the double chainsaws is not to be missed!

Jack Chandler is a private eye hired to find runaway Samantha. He tracks her down only to discover she has become involved with a cult. Not just any cult, but the ancient Egyptian chainsaw cult whose followers consist of a group of prostitutes who cut up their johns with the sacred device in the name of their god.

This film is big time campy. It’s a bawdy low budget spoof of film-noir with a sprinkling of Texas Chainsaw Massacre thrown in for good measure. It’s fun that they include Gunnar Hansen as the cults leader. Who would know more about chainsaws than leatherface? Hansen doesn’t have a lot of dialog, but he is a part of one of my favourite exchanges in the film. When Jack points out to the leader that there were no chainsaws in ancient Egypt one of his followers chimes “But what about the chainsaw of the gods?” Yes, what about the chainsaw of the gods indeed?

We start at the cop shop where a woman in a blonde wig is being interviewed. On the table in front of her sits a chainsaw, the murder weapon she used against her victim. They ask her to explain how the incident went down. But why explain when she can just show them? She makes a brief appearance later in the film and they have her in chains locked up with a giant padlock! Sadly, we don’t get to see blondie go nuts on the cops, but don’t worry the next scene makes up for it! I don’t want to give up all the juicy details but you do get to see Michelle Bauer, who plays Mercedes, naked with chainsaw in hand having fake blood and body parts thrown at her from off-screen. At one point her victims severed hand manages to attach itself to her boob, which she throws aside mildly disgusted. This scene looks cheap and cheesy but none the less amused the hell out of me. When a woman covers her favourite Elvis Presley poster with plastic and puts on a shower cap and then asks you to close your eyes for a surprise…don’t! For godsake don’t close your eyes man! That woman may just happen to have a chainsaw in her dresser drawer! Other notable scenes include a woman in lingerie posing with a baseball bat for a calendar, and of course that awesome finale that features not only the virgin dance of the double chainsaws but a chainsaw dual between the films two babes.

The cast is great. Jay Richardson is perfect as Jack Chandler the quick-witted and mildly sleazy private dick. Linnea Quigley who plays Samantha is one of my favourite scream queens and she is just cute as a damn button in this film. Michelle Bauer really taps into her inner nutcase to play the highly entertaining Mercedes. These two women should have gotten danger pay for this film! Playing with chainsaws naked is just asking for trouble! On the dvd’s special features there are interviews with Quigley, Bauer and Fred Olen Ray where they discuss making ‘Hollywood Chainsaw Hookers’. They often had difficulty getting the chainsaws going so they would pre-start them for a scene. In the scene where Samantha is in the sarcophagus just before she is about to do her virgin dance of the double chainsaws she is in the tiny closed space with two loud smoking oily toxic chainsaws revving away. When they open the door she very literally stumbles from the fumes. Linnea is such a pro that she soldiers on stoned from the fumes and still manages to be pretty sexy wielding two heavy awkward chainsaws!

If you’re a horror fan you’ve probably stumbled upon A Fred Olen Ray film. The man has directed a shitload of films and many of them are pretty damn bad. In my opinion ‘Hollywood Chainsaw Hookers’ is definitely one of the highlights of his career. The film was made for next to nothing over a period of a few days using borrowed sets including the sarcophagus used in the film ‘Vamp’. The films budget shows, but I don’t think Ray would have it any other way. The film is silly fun. Considering its premise, Ray could have been more over the top with it and more gore would have been nice, but it sure did give me some good laughs and definitely kept me entertained. As an added bonus it has one of the better soundtracks I’ve come upon, particularly for a film from the 1980’s! Good times! Recommended!

Dungeon Rating: 4/5

Directed By: Fred Olen Ray

Starring: Gunnar Hansen, Linnea Quigley, Jay Richardson, Dawn Wildsmith, Michelle Bauer, Esther Elise, Tricia Burns, Fox Harris, Jimmy Williams, Michael Sonye