GOREGIRL’S 25 Worst Horror Films of the Decade

Pouring over 10 years of shitty horror films isn’t as fun as it sounds. I gave 237 horror films from the decade a failing grade! It took some work shaving it down to just 25! The biggest surprise for me was how many remakes I had on the list. I generally avoid remakes but somehow I still managed to include five of them on this list and dropped another four in favour of worse. That’s it, no more remakes for me…period. I hate every film on this list passionately. I literally could not find a single redeeming quality in any of these.

25. April Fool’s Day (remake) (2008)
I didn’t love the original film, but it’s an epic masterpiece in comparison. The kills are miserable, the ending is awful, and the dialog made my ears bleed. This could have been a T.V. movie of the week.

24. The Graveyard (2006)
An unoriginal and dull camper slasher with a lame masked killer and frustratingly stupid characters.

23. Revolting Dead (2003)
The sound is this film is unbearably bad. The zombie makeup is terrible. The effects across the board are embarrassing. One of the worst zombie films I’ve ever seen!

22. Death Tunnel (2005)
A terrible film marred by a bad story, copious clichés and stereotypes and completely lacking scares or suspense.

21. Valentine (2001)
This one graduated from the ‘I Know What You Did Last Summer’ school. Snooze! A tired premise and a plot riddled with holes. Completely lacking suspense, scares and originality.

20. Spliced (2002)
Another frighteningly unoriginal film with a muddled mess of a story. It’s a little bit ‘Wish Master’ and a little bit Freddy Kruger and a whole lot of nonsense. There’s not even any gore or nudity to save this one.

19. Borderline Cult (2007)
For starters, a pretty awful film name. Ulli Lommel has been making bad movies a long time. He actually has two films on this list. I’m sorry Mr. Lommel, but you make the worst horror films…EVER! This one follows 3 of the most uninteresting and lame socio-path killers I have come upon. You learn absolutely nothing about the killers or their motives. Sure, people die, but the gore is weak and the effects are terrible. The tagline is “Juarez…420 Victims and Counting”. Don’t be fooled into thinking you are going to be entertained by countless deaths. Awful!

18. The Grudge (remake) (2004)
I don’t count myself among the legions of fans out there that loved the original Japanese version. It’s all right, but it didn’t really move me. The glossy remake was a regurgitation of the original but less scary. It felt like I was watching the same scene over and over again for an hour and a half. Admittedly, I was so sick of white-faced, black-haired spooky kids in Japanese films by the time I seen this one that perhaps this one seemed lamer than it was. Nah! This PG-rated affair is duller than watching paint dry.

17. Steel Trap (2007)
This one is a mish-mash of borrowed ideas that adds nothing new to the slasher film. The killer is a lifeless, uninteresting shell and the characters are annoying and unlikeable. An unoriginal and weak premise and a predictable mess.

16. Return Of The Living Dead: Necropolis (2005)
There’s bad zombie films and then there’s this one. Bloody hell this film was awful! I expect these ‘Return of The Living Dead’ sequels to at least have humour, which this one lacked any semblance of. The film takes too long to get going and they seemed to have referenced the Uwe Boll book of making a zombie film. A lesson on how not to make a zombie film.

15. Species: Awakening (2007)
I actually liked the original ‘Species’ but this felt like another T.V. movie of the week entry (except with nudity). What was with the lead actresses accent? There is zilch for scares and suspense and the story is plagued by issues. Lame, boring and stupid.

14. Serial Insane Clown Killer (S.I.C.K.) (2003)
What was I thinking? Well, I think clowns are pretty scary, and I rented this film because I thought it might be funny. The films title is so bad it intrigued me. Ouch! The low budget can’t really be blamed here. The story is terrible and completely lacking humour. How can anyone make a film called ‘Serial Insane Clown Killer’ and NOT make it a horror-comedy? The characters take obnoxious to a whole new level. The kills are few and far between and are incredibly lame. The damn clown was a big disappointment and didn’t resemble the cover clown what so ever. Eek!!

13. The Unborn (2009)
This PG affair was terribly written and the dialog, particularly between the two girls was painful. It takes forever to get going and there is not a single solitary scary or suspenseful moment in the entire film. It’s full of tired clichés, badly executed themes and nonsense. I found this film intensely painful to sit through to the end.

12. The Wicker Man (remake) (2006)
Ugh! What can I even say about this remake? The delightfully weird and unique original starring the wonderful Christopher Lee should NEVER have been remade! Nicholas Cage’s performance is dreadful and the badly written script doesn’t help matters. The dialog is so bad at times it was almost laughable. I say “almost” because there is nothing funny about remaking a film this badly. None of the mystique or intrigue is saved from the original. As a film unto itself it is bad but as a remake it is beyond redemption!

11. Long Time Dead (2002)
In my excitement of renting several outstanding horror entries from the UK I stumbled upon this one. I wish I had just left this one on the video store shelves! A terrible story, annoying dialog and characters and a very lame demon. To read the full review click here.

10. The Happening (2008)
Like many, I was fond of M. Night Shyamalan’s ‘The Sixth Sense’ and I really enjoyed ‘Unbreakable’, but his films since have been shaky. ‘The Happening’ isn’t shaky, just bad. For the first 5 minutes, when a woman pulls a hair accessory out and stabs it into her own throat I thought…okay, interesting. But then came the rest of the film. A story so full of holes that I twisted my ankle just watching it. Mark Walberg and Zooey Deschanel have zero chemistry together and half of the film is just them! It was an interesting idea in theory, but was so poorly executed it just ended up a jumbled mess.

9. Book of Shadows: Blair Witch 2 (2000)
And the worst sequel to a film EVER goes to ‘Book of Shadows: Blair Witch 2’! I am one of those that adored ‘Blair Witch Project’. The simple but effective folklore story had great tension. The sequel sports a parade of unlikeable characters that basically have come to check out the legitimacy of the Blair Witch legend. The mess of a film borrows the mystique but completely fails to provide any of the scares and tension of the first film. Although I was put off by a new director on board I thought the choice of Joe Berlinger was interesting. Berlinger directed the excellent documentaries ‘Brother’s Keeper’ and ‘Paradise Lost’ but he dropped the ball big time on this truly awful sequel.

8. The Reaping (2007)
A by-the-book supernatural thriller with a grand biblical plague theme that offers absolutely nothing new to the genre. I use the word “thriller” lightly as there was nothing thrilling about this dull and lifeless, predictable, cliché-ridden borefest.

7. House of The Dead (2003)
Considered by many to be the worst zombie film ever made, and it is. Everything about this film is miserable, the zombie makeup, effects, plot, the characters, and the lame and repetitive kills. It plays out more like an action films than a horror and the addition throughout the film of game screenshots is unbearable. Awful.

6. Green River Killer (2005)
This is Ulli Lommel’s second entry on the shitlist. He did a trio of miserable serial killers films including B.T.K. Killer and Zodiac Killer. The fact I’ve watched 4 films from this guy makes me a real dumb ass! Every single aspect of this film sucks. Please stop making horror films Mr. Lommel!

5. One Missed call (remake) (2008)
‘One Missed Call’ is not one of my favourite Miike films but this remake is an abomination. There is no character development at all. It is hindered by cheesy jump scares with a lot of badly executed “creepy” images thrown in. One of the absolute worst of the remakes.

4. Mortuary (2005)
It takes a millennium to get to the action. The characters are annoying as hell and the dialogue is dreadful. The story is shaky to begin with and by the end it completely disintegrates. The film lacks gore, suspense, scares or even humour. If you can’t make a funeral home and graveyard eerie you are not off to a good start. Even the effects and makeup are pretty lame. Terrible. To read the full review click here.

3. Hit and Run (2009)
This film boggled my mind. Not because of its deep story, because no such depth exists. I had no empathy for the main character and actually wanted to see her get terrorized! And the killer is a bipolar kindergarten teacher off his meds! A terrible sloppy story with some downright laughable moments. To read the full review click here.

2. Feardotcom (2002)
A ridiculous premise and poorly written script that no amount of editing could possibly repair. What annoys me further is this bad idea is not even an original one. The idea is clearly borrowed. Plot holes galore, ineffective visuals, lack of character development, you name it and this films got it! This is one of the worst horror films I have ever seen.

1. The Fog (remake) (2005)
And the worst remake of the decade goes to….’The Fog’! Holy shit! I don’t think there are enough adjectives to describe how much I hate this film. This PG-rated piece of crap does not contain a single scare or even a remotely suspenseful moment. The casting choices were terrible! The love story subplot made me want to vomit. The dialog is unforgivable. This movie made me angry within the first five minutes! They don’t get much worst than this horrifically written, boring, and sorry excuse for a horror film!

10 Responses to “GOREGIRL’S 25 Worst Horror Films of the Decade”

  1. I have no problem taking your advice and staying away from most of these… but—and I know I’m in a very small minority here—I found HOUSE OF THE DEAD entertaining in a so-bad-it’s-good way.

    I’m also very intrigued to see how horribly the once-promising Neil Labute could screw up the WICKER MAN. Some of the clips I’ve seen of Cage overacting are priceless… “Not the bees!”

    • I suppose I can’t really fault you for that…we do all have our so-bad-it’s-good films!

      Neil Labute was the only reason I even wandered down this path. I loved ‘In The Company of Men’ and ‘Nurse Betty’ and I thought he might do something interesting with a horror film. This film is pretty damn bad though! I’m sure you must be able to catch this one on cable TV by now. The consumption of alcohol and/or drugs couldn’t hurt the experience. If you love ham acting though…Cage’s performance is honey-glazed ham of the highest order!

  2. austinchef08 Says:

    Great list Goregirl. I could have included every single one of these flicks on my Worst of Decade list as well!! There were a few on your list that I completely forgot I even saw (feardotcom and Serial Insane Clown Killer). Thanks for bringing up those bad memories!!! 🙂

  3. Sweet, a worst of list! Haven’t seen one of these until now. I’m calling The Happening as the worst film ever. Wahlberg and his ‘have to poop right now and confused how to do it’ face through the whole thing drives me nuts. And you’re right about the chemistry, non-existant. Am I supposed to be scared of the wind now or something???

  4. I pity you for having to watch all this garbage. You are dedicated!

  5. I’m a glutton for punishment joeBlow!

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  9. Yes! The Fog remake! I HATE,HATE HAAAAAAAAAATE this movie! Followed closely by the totally useless remake of The Wicker Man. Both films are my “why I hate just about every remake of the past 15 years” diatribe. It makes no sense at all to remake good movies and make them terrible. I feel bad that you had to be subjected to these films,but it sure made for fun reading!

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