JESUS CHRIST VAMPIRE HUNTER (2001) – The Dungeon Review!
“The Power of Christ Impales You!”
It would be difficult for me to resist picking up a film called ‘Jesus Christ Vampire Hunter’ at the best of times. The fact that it is Canadian and was filmed in Ottawa Ontario was an added bonus. All Canadian’s know that Ottawa, our country’s Capital, is where all the bloodsuckers reside. When you add character names like Mary Magnum, Maxine Schreck and Dr. Praetorious, a herd of wild elephants couldn’t keep me away from this horror-comedy!
A woman is attacked by a vampire in the opening scene and is left for dead. Cut to a priest with a Mohawk reading the local paper, which exclaims that lesbians in the City of Ottawa are disappearing right, left and center. It would seem the women are victims of a vampire infestation. Vampires that can walk in the day no less! Another man of the cloth approaches the priest stating that there is only one thing left to do. The priest puts on his bike helmet (specially crafted to work around his mohawk) and together they seek out the ultimate man of action, Jesus Christ. JC gets a haircut, his ears pierced, and performs a musical number before he is ready to get down to it. While getting some wardrobe help from the lovely Mary Magnum at the local vintage clothing store, they spy a vampire and begin to tail her. Things don’t go so well and Jesus has the crap beaten out of him. He enlists the help of El Santos, a retired Mexican wrestler and together they make short work of the vampire hordes.
You don’t get much more “B” than this. It is lower than low budget. The quality of the sets, fight sequences and gore are shaky at best. Even the wardrobe lacked. Mary Magnum’s dark red vinyl jumpsuit should have been a sexy form fitting affair but instead looked like she borrowed it from a friend. They could have easily made a vampire film at night, which most are anyway, and hid some of the films cheapness. But nope, Demarbre opted to make a vampire flick that takes place almost entirely during the day. He knows what he has to work with and really embraces the cheese. The film absolutely has its charms! ‘Jesus Christ Vampire Hunter’ is definitely comedy first. What this movie lacks in quality it makes up for in humour. This film made me laugh. From chuckles to hardcore guffaws! Surprisingly the humour is pretty PG. There isn’t really nudity or graphic violence and I don’t recall hearing the F-Bomb or even the word shit once. Yet Internet Movie Database says it has an “R” rating in the USA?!? In Canada we gave it a 14A rating, which seems slightly more reasonable. Perhaps it is the lesbian theme?!? There are a couple scenes with women kissing. I suppose ‘Jesus Christ Vampire Slayer’ could be construed as sacrilegious, but do they give “R” ratings for that?
I also rather enjoyed the characters. The actors and actresses do a pretty good job. I was quite fond of Phil Caracas who played Jesus and thought that Murielle Varhelyi was a kick ass vampire. Special mention should go to the vintage clothing store clerk. He has a fairly minor role but delivered some of the films funniest lines.
Although numerous vampires get staked, there is next to no graphic violence or gore. That is really a shame! I was looking forward to awkward, inappropriate fondling of leftover organs from the local butcher. The few scenes that do feature a bit of gore are pretty goofy and downright hilarious. The film could have used much more of the red stuff. MUCH MORE! When vampires die I want blood! Even in a comedy. As far as special effects go, well, they are special but I’m not sure how effective they were. But then again, it is obvious Demarbre fully intended on making a comedy first and foremost and the “special effects” certainly do add to the films delightful homegrown vibe. The effects are bad. So bad you can’t help but laugh. And boy did I laugh! There is a fight between Jesus and a group of Atheists that was extreme slapstick. They just keep coming out of this vehicle, like waves of 5 or 6 people at a time over and over again. Not unlike the clown car gag. It was silly fun! There are several fight sequences but the atheist’s scene was one of the longest and most amusing.
If you truly enjoy independent, low budget flicks and you like a good laugh served up with your horror than you should absolutely give this a try. Recommended.
Dungeon Rating: 3.5/5
Directed By: Lee Demarbre
Starring: Phil Caracas, Murielle Varhelyi, Maria Moulton, Tim Devries, Ian Driscoll, Josh Grace, Tracy Lance, Glen Jones, Mike Funk, Lucky Ron, Johnny Vegas, Jeff Moffet, Ivan Freud
November 17, 2009 at 9:05 pm
Ok, as a Christian maybe I should be offended by this, but let’s face it….this sequence sounds absolutely hilarious: “There is a fight between Jesus and a group of Atheists that was extreme slapstick. They just keep coming out of this vehicle, like waves of 5 or 6 people at a time over and over again. ”
Besides, it actually makes alot of sense for Jesus to be a vampire hunter, in keeping with mythology. They cower at the cross, what happens when J.C. himself shows up?
Unfortunately, I usually shy away from extreme low-budget comedies. Maybe.
November 19, 2009 at 4:13 pm
Honestly, I think my interpretation of what offends the general public is probably pretty “off”.
Jesus actually shows up quite early and his first battle with the vampires is pretty weak and he loses badly. It isn’t until later on in the film that some of his more Jesus-esque qualitlies begin showing up. There is one particularly crafty scene that takes place in a bar where he baptistizes some beer and uses that against the vamps.
It is extreme low-budget though, so if that’s not you’re thing you might want to wait until it shows up on late night TV.
November 22, 2009 at 5:56 pm
Saw this on LAMB Chops and had to read/comment.
He Shot Cyrus had a 31 Days of Horror Marathon and JCVH (remarkably close to Jean-Claude) was in the first week. I love that Jesus calls on the help El Santo, an obese white guy in a luchador mask pretending to be an actual Mexican wrestler. Fantastic.
This one’s worth watching for the sound effects alone.
Great review.
El Gringo
November 23, 2009 at 12:34 pm
DAMN! I can’t believe I failed to mention those awesome sound effects!!
November 27, 2009 at 10:20 am
This movei obviously does nothing for the viewer from the sound of it. Not worth even buying popcorn over, I suppose.. lol.
Nice post though.
February 16, 2010 at 8:15 am
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